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(Theme song for this post: I'm Sorry and Blue Moon)
Oh, the powers of our beloved BO. What a savior. Worldwide, national, state, local, personal.....makes no difference. This man can have a profound effect on each and every one of us and solve all our problems.
My darling husband was so moved by the Beer Summit at the White House today that, in support of Sgt. Crowley, he brought home Blue Moon beer for our happy hour tonight. Seriously - that's our beer sitting on our counter!!
We spent a blissful hour at the round table on our back porch sipping beer and apologizing to each other. All is well in our house.....gasp..... thanks to BO.
The Prez
(Theme song for this post: Corrine, Corrina and Shake, Rattle and Roll)
Czarina, Czarina, GASP is where you belong
Czarina, Czarina, GASP is where you belong
We’ll tell the sheeple where they done gone wrong.
Czarina, Czarina,
Czarina, Czarina,
Czarina, Czarina,
I need you so!
I need Czarinas, tell the world I do
I need Czarinas, tell the world I do
All of us together, clean up that D.C. zoo!
And, now, I take great pride in introducing our very own GASP Czarinas!
CZARINA CZARINA - CYNTHIA, ODESSA, TX
Cynthia started this. She is the one who suggested we have Czars instead of Vice Prezidents. She will make sure that we are in step with the times.
METHANE CZARINA - LORI, HOUSTON, TX
Lori’s application came with a glowing recommendation from her gastrointerologist. At our meetings we can either make her stay out in the hall or we can all don gas masks.
TREASURY CZARINA - SHIRLEY, RENO, NV
We will print our own GASP currency when inflation hits. Shirley is making appointments for me to sit for several photographers. Guess whose image in going to be on the new trillion dollar bill? (Here's the prototype!) 
COVERT OPERATIONS CZARINA - ????
Duh, it is Covert Operations. I can’t tell you anything!
ALTERNATIVE ENERGY CZARINA - KENDRA, HOUSTON, TX
Kendra is going to harness energy through electric eels. She writes, “...what’s a little extra slime? If that fails we could try fireflies. What’s a more hopeful symbol than fireflies? It would bring a tear to the eye of the Arsonist in Chief”.
GRAFT CZARINA -
MARCIA, MONROE CITY, MO
Marcia will make sure The Prez is supplied regularly with largess. She has already sent a gift, as only two other GASP members have to date. The rest of you can expect some very forceful Rahm Emanuel arm twisting. I like jewelry.
MEDIA/PRESS CZARINA -
LAURA, PHOENIX, AZ
Our Blog Manager/Editor/Secretary of State/Grunt wrote, “It would be a hoot to go up against ole’ Gibbs. I think I could match him sarcasm for sarcasm.” I have no doubt that she could!
HEALTH CARE CZARINA -
ANN, COLLEYVILLE, TX
Ann is an R.N. and will be able to implement my McBucks health care plan perfectly. We will put a clinic in every McDonald’s and Starbucks across the country.....that pretty much means every block. We will round up all illegals and fast-track them through medical school and English classes. They will man the clinics and be paid minimum wage (since the libs think minimum wage is not an entry-level, temporary wage and should be high enough to support a family, this amount is what they will earn). We will double the prices in McDonald’s and Starbucks to subsidize the clinics. VOILA! Free health care for those that want it. You will be able to keep your current health care provider if you choose.
FASHIONISTA CZARINA -
PAT, WATAUGA, TX
This kills Pat because she is an absolute fashion plate....you should see her! She sadly decrees that everyone wear brown shirts, no sleeveless, please (and that includes you, Michelle). Her job is pretty much done so she won’t have to leave us and go to Washington.
DWTS CZARINA -
VIRGINIA, COCOA BEACH, FL
We are losing our right to choose in many areas of our lives. Why should Dancing With the Stars be any different? Virginia will tell us who to vote for every week. Ditto for American Idol.
Oh, heck, why not! I think I will leak it. The Covert Operations Czarina? That would be....gasp.... VALERIE PLAME, GEORGETOWN, WASHINGTON D.C. She’s launched an underground campaign to keep our Blog Manager/Editor/Secretary of State/Grunt from abandoning our GASP operation and shutting it down. While she is doing that she’s also looking for signs of yellowcake production.....but, you didn’t hear this from me!
So, there, you have it. Our first ten Czarinas. At our next meeting we will don our brown shirts, line up and rehearse our “Czarina, Czarina” routine. How soon can we take this show on the road?
THE PREZ
P.S. We will need more than one song in our repertoire, so before our next meeting please learn the words to "Shake, Rattle and Roll."
(Theme song for this post: The Fireman)JUST WEEKS AGO THE ARSONIST IN CHIEF WAS HEARD SCHEMING HIS PLAN. I AM LETTING YOU IN ON PILLOW TALK CONVERSATION THAT BO HAD WITH MICHELLE ONE NIGHT. THE GHOST OF.....gasp....ELEANOR ROOSEVELT CONVEYED THIS TO ME ONLY DAYS AGO. (YES, SHE'S GIVEN UP ON HILLARY AND IS NOW CHANNELING THROUGH ME.) HERE IS WHAT BO SAID:
“I’ll start a CAP AND TRADE fire over here. I’ll get that fire roaring and then.......
While they are trying to put that fire out, I’ll go over here and start a SUPREME COURT NOMINATION fire. I’ll fan that briefly to make sure it’s going to take off and, hmmm, let’s see......
I’ll go over there and light a HEALTH CARE REFORM fire. I’m going 
to make this one pretty big. YES, that’s what I like to see.....they are scrambling. They can’t fight these fires all at once. I think I’ll start ANOTHER small STIMULUS fire in that corner. They will be running in circles.”
This guy is so good. How can our elected officials be remotely aware of all the details in these complicated issues? How can we put out all these fires at once?
My fear is that our nation is burning to the ground while the Arsonist in Chief brilliantly executes the teachings of Saul Alinsky’s “Rules for Radicals.” The capitalist forests are burning, singeing much of the Constitution, and when the smoke clears we will find little green shoots of socialism sprouting in their place. What will we do then?
FIRE ALARM....FIRE ALARM....FIRE ALARM......FIRE ALARM......FIRE ALARM...FIRE ALARM
PLEASE CALL AND EMAIL YOUR SENATORS AND CONGRESSMEN AND TELL THEM TO VOTE NO TO ALL OF THE ABOVE. LET’S TRY TO PUT OUT THESE FIRES!
THE PREZ
(There was something in the paper yesterday that grabbed my attention. It was about a civilian doctor, Dr.Steven Wolf, who has taken over the burn unit at Brooke Army Hospital. Brooke used to be one of the top burn centers in the world. In 2002 is lost it's verification, alarming the Defense Dept. Because the government could not pay a top burn surgeon enough to take the job as director, it created a joint position with UT medical school and Dr. Wolf is quoted as saying, "the burn unit had become too much of a government institution, too scheduled, too regulation oriented and too inflexible." That is what we can expect from government-run health care. Click here for the link to the article)
Editor's note on 7/22/09: For those who may have heard the Rush Limbaugh program yesterday, rest assured that our Prez was the FIRST to describe BO as an arsonist! It's eerie how our beloved Prez has her finger on the pulse of the conservative think tank!
(Theme for this post: Kalinka)It’s 12:30 PM, July 11, 2009, and I call this meeting to order. Too bad if you can’t attend. I’m The Prez, I say the meeting is now. We have urgent business to tend to and I can’t wait until we can round up everyone. Give me a break..........at least I didn’t do this at 3:00 AM........I’m conducting business in the daylight, which is a step above our legislators in Washington.
NEW BUSINESS: Cynthia from Odessa, Texas, brought it to my attention that maybe all members’ titles should be changed from Vice Prezident to Czar. Why didn’t I think of that? Vice Prezident is so passe these days. So, from now on every member is my Czarina and the guys are my Czars. Please email me with the area you would like to be in charge of.....first come, first served, so hurry and pick your area of expertise. The Health Czarina has been taken by Anne of Colleyville, Texas. Cynthia is the Czarina for Keeping Things Up-to-Date. I’ll have an update on all our Czarinas/Czars in a future post. (Gasp.....I just can’t seem to stop doing this blog. How many times have I quit?) 
I would request that one of you volunteer to leave GASP and become the 500th Czarina in BO’s administration. They are in dire need of a Fashionista Czarina. Would somebody please tell Malia Obama not to wear the peace symbol, CND (Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament) T-shirts while touring Europe. Yes, she has more than one. She was photographed in two different T-shirts. Ask Michelle how she had the “audacity” to carry a $6,000 handbag on her jaunt with BO in the Russian woods. Times are tough, honey, you might not want to flaunt your designer bag in our unemployed faces! Oh, and one more thing.....enough already with the bare arms. Do you OWN an outfit with sleeves?
If we have to be commies, I’ve decided we’ll be commies with a Tejano flair. Check out the second song. (I'm crossing my fingers that the lyrics are not offensive....who knows what the guy is singing!) ‘Til next time my comrades!
Meeting Adjourned!
THE PREZ
P.S. The reason that Cynthia and Ann already have their titles is that the three of us are members of the Texas group of Smart Girl Politics. Cynthia discovered our blog on that site and contacted me through SGP. I've made her a member of GASP without even asking her. If you would like to become members of a great organization, check out Smart Girl Politics. You can find your state's group and join that, too, if you want.
(Theme for this post: Chain of Fools, Send in the Clowns)
Add one more fool to the mix today as Al Franken is sworn in as a United States Senator. Not only do we have Bama, Pelosi and Reid, "The Three Stooges,"...........now Al Franken can pal up with Barney Frank and we'll call them "Frick and Frack."
THE INMATES ARE RUNNING THE ASYLUM!!
Today is the circus of a memorial for Michael Jackson in L.A. The media went crazy when he died and the next day hardly any mention was made when the House passed that obscene energy bill. The biggest tax hike in our nation's history was ignored for non-stop coverage of a pop star's death.
Isn't it ironic that the Ringling Bros. Circus is waiting outside the Staples Center to move in right after the Jackson memorial? Yep, today seems like the perfect day to hang it up here at GASP. The world is topsey-turvey and everything is becoming a circus.
When I die, keep it simple. This is all I want as my epitaph: "Gasp...She's Gone!"
THE PREZ
