WHEW!!

(Theme song for post: Shotgun Boogie)

I feel better now - Janet's got a GUN!! We ARE secure! No...wait...I'm NOT secure...gasp...it's ME she's hunting!! It's open season on RIGHT-WING RADICALS!!!! (That is, if you define a "right-wing radical" as a person concerned about the economy, who doesn't like Government spending money on ridiculous items labeled "stimulus," a pro-lifer who believes in God, and someone who believes the Constitution is the foundation of our country - not a document that needs to change with the times.)

TEA FOR TICKED?

(Theme song for post: Tea for Two)





TEXAS TEA PARTY!!!

I know that you would expect nothing less from your Prez than for me to show up at a Tea Party to represent every one of our loyal GASP members. I was there for you at Southlake Town Square in Southlake, Texas.


GASP members attending with me were Pat and Nancy.















It wasn't all women....check out these guys.









Too bad I didn't have a wide lens camera. This doesn't show the entire crowd.

Your Prez with the keynote speaker, Mark Davis, our local conservative talk radio personality. He subs for Rush once in a while. Next two times he'll be sitting in for Rush....April 24 and May 8.





I liked this sign.













After the crowd had gone, I got this picture of future conservatives. They are home schooled.....does that surprise anyone?











Only two of the dozen or so dissenters lingered long after it was over. Poor, misguided soul....reminds me of the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz. "If I only had a brain."





I was interviewed by a reporter. She asked me, "Why are you here?" I said, "I have never demonstrated or protested in my life but I am angry. I want to send a message to Washington that somebody better get a hold of the reins of this run-away horse of a government before it goes over the cliff." I should have added this: "Janet Napolitano and Homeland Security, here I am...gasp...a Right Wing Extremist. Come take me away in handcuffs before I hurt somebody with my umbrella."

The Prez

P.S. Because I was seen on a couple news broadcasts yesterday and mentioned on the radio, at our next meeting we will need to negotiate a hike in my salary.

SPRINGTIME FOR THE OBAMAS

(Theme song for post: Springtime for Hitler)

MICHELLE, MY BELLE, HOW DOES YOUR GARDEN GROW?
WITH PORKULUS BILLS AND TAX CHEATING SHILLS
AND A HUSBAND WHO'LL TAKE ALL YOUR DOUGH!

THE PREZ


(This post is dedicated to "Mary, Mary Quite Contrary," a faithful GASP member from Phoenix, who requested a post about the new White House vegetable garden.)

STICKS AND STONES!

(Theme song for post: Turkey Gobbling Sounds)

“STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK OUR BONES, BUT "DEM" WORDS MAY ACTUALLY HARM US...”

No more can we say, “war on terrorism.” It’s now OVERSEAS CONTINGENCY OPERATIONS.

No more can we say, “acts of terrorism.” By the direction of the Homeland Security Secretary, Janet Napolitano, it’s now MAN-CAUSED DISASTERS.

No more can we say “enemy combatants.” They haven’t decided what to call them but my money is on PESKY PRANKSTERS.

Obama said the North Korean missile launch is PROVACATIVE. Huh? Have I missed something? Did satellite pictures show the missile was wearing...gasp...pasties and a g-string?

BO and his cohorts lack the will to be tough in their language. Do you have confidence they will be assertive in their actions should we be challenged by any of those rascally “pranksters?”

What’s next? Do they think the eagle is too representative of power and strength on the Great Seal of the United States of America? Hey, I have an idea! Why not change the symbol from an eagle to a turkey? Here's factual info on the turkey: “Domestic turkeys are weak, they are fat, they are not agile, they can’t run very fast and they can’t fly. All of this makes it more difficult for them to survive on their own in an unprotected environment so when something unusual occurs they tend to panic. Frenzied, they will usually run as best they can until they reach a corner fence or some other barrier to progress. Even then they may continue their efforts to escape, piling onto each other suffocating those at the bottom of the heap.”




Yep, that about sums up this bunch. I have a feeling they will be diving under the bed if the big, bad wolf comes knocking on our door. They will be so very disappointed that nice words didn’t keep the wolf at bay.


The Prez

THE GREAT PRETENDER

(Theme song for post: The Great Pretender)

It’s wonderful to be back in the saddle again here at GASP headquarters. I am so proud of all our members. Not a single one of you defected to the other side! I know, because all month I was tree sitting with my binoculars in Lafayette Park, right across the street from the White House. They let all sorts of kooks hang out there.

With just a little over two months in office, it’s pretty much been confirmed that Obama is not what he presented himself to be when campaigning. Slowly, too slowly in my opinion, people are waking up to the fact that this man is no moderate. One night I saw him out on the front lawn wearing his bathrobe and a crown, snapping his fingers and singing this song.....gasp..... with a little help from his ever-present teleprompter. WHAT??? He can’t even sing a song without that crutch?!!




OH, YES, I’M THE GREAT PRETENDER,
PRETENDING I CARE ABOUT YOU.

MY EGO IS SUCH, I PRETEND TOO MUCH,

AMERICA, YOU HAVEN’T A CLUE!

OH, YES, I’M THE GREAT PRETENDER,

RULING THE WORLD THAT I OWN.

I PLAY THE GAME AND I HAVE NO SHAME

FOR THE SOCIALIST SEEDS I HAVE SOWN.

OH, YES, I’M THE GREAT PRETENDER,

JUST LAUGHING AND GAY LIKE A CLOWN.

I SEEM TO BE WHAT I’M NOT YOU SEE,

I’M WEARING YOUR PAIN LIKE A CROWN!

TOO REAL IS THIS FEELING OF MAKE-BELIEVE,

TOO REAL WHEN I FEEL WHAT MY HEART CAN’T CONCEAL

OH, YES, I’M THE GREAT PRETENDER,

JUST LAUGHING AND GAY LIKE A CLOWN.

I SEEM TO BE WHAT I’M NOT YOU SEE,

I’M WEARING YOUR PAIN LIKE A CROWN.

NOT CARING THE MARKET IS DOWN!

The Prez

P.S. At the next meeting I will be asking for a raise. Your Prez is so on the cutting edge! I’d picked this song long before I heard it played in the background when Laura Ingram was filling in for our local talk guy on the radio. She played it for a few seconds as background for BO talking about something. I swear, I think she hacked into my computer. So glad she didn’t use my lyrics!

THAT'S AMORE?

(Theme song for post: That's Amore)

Last night I could not bring myself to watch Obama address the nation. I would rather have been doing prep work for a colonoscopy...which, cross my heart, was exactly what I WAS doing! Unfortunately, I wasn't so lucky several weeks ago when I was "forced" to watch the Obamessiah's first prime-time press conference.


I say “forced” because I DID NOT want to look at his self-righteous mug or listen to his forked-tongue answers but my husband got home for dinner just as the news conference started. He wanted to watch it. So, we ate, I griped, we ate, I groused, we ate, I complained, we ate, I threw my fork at the TV, we ate, I shook my head, we ate, I sighed. My dear sweet husband pushed the wrong button when he said, “Just calm down, don’t get so worked up, there’s nothing you can do about it.” Now, mind you, he didn’t say that in a “poor baby, I know you’re upset, try not to take it so seriously” voice. Oh, no! My very conservative, ex military fighter pilot husband almost scolded me in a drill sergeant bark. What I heard was, “get a grip soldier, shape up, be a man, suck it up and move on, now give me 50 pushups.”

Really ticked off, I picked up my plate and glass and went to the sink to clean up. I ran the water, turned the garbage disposal on and off and made as much noise as I could possibly make to drown out the TV. The drill sergeant quickly finished his dinner and went into the bedroom to change.....with an ulterior motive as I found out when I went back there.....gasp......he had turned on the TV in the bedroom to listen to the Messiah.

I stormed to the computer to get away from the evil one on TV and clicked onto the Drudge Report. As I scanned the headlines, I swear, my eyeballs boinged out of their sockets, hit the computer screen and ricocheted back in....the left eye is still giving me problems. Do you know what the headline said???? I am not lying! It said, “many women, not too surprisingly,are dreaming about having sex with the president.” If you doubt me, check out this link. Have mercy! I’d rather have an affair with Charles Manson than with that schmarmy, swaggering Chicago pol. I clicked onto the article but couldn’t bring myself to read the whole thing. Talk about PERFECT TIMING, tho! I could use this to get back at the drill sergeant. I printed it out, marched downstairs, slammed it down in front of my husband and said to him, “ Read this. You know, the more I see of Barack, I like to call him Barack, it’s such a sexy name, the more I’m beginning to like him. I think it will take just a few more weeks and he’s really going to turn me on.”

So here’s the deal gals. I’m going to conduct a poll over the next 4 weeks. You see, the next GASP post won’t be until sometime around April 1st (hmmm...) The most integral part of GASP, our Secretary of State/Blog Manager/Editor/Grunt, is going to be on vacation. (Just how many titles does one person need?) She’s the one who does the fancy stuff. All I do is type. And, did you know this? If she thinks it’s pertinent and timely, she’ll post without......gasp.....asking me! Well, after being on the job for only three months, she’s demanding a 4-week vacation. She’s going to be in Utah visiting a son and daughter-in-law and in Idaho visiting another son and daughter-in-law and 2 grandchildren. Sorry, I can’t stop her.

Here is my scientific, one-question poll. Do not answer immediately. Keep this and answer the question at the end of March. We want to ascertain rational brain function over a lengthy period of time. Those of you who fail will be purged from this organization.

QUESTION

Have you gotten the tingle up your leg, not been able to resist it, crawled over broken glass to Washington D.C. and thrown your unmentionables over the beautiful black wrought iron fence onto the White House lawn? Did you get past this Secret Service agent? Notice the weapon in his left hand. He has been posted at the fence to thwart the hoards of women expected to storm the place on a chance they might be able to get to Barack?

Yes___ No____

This is going to be a real test. If, in 4 weeks, we have no defectors to the other side, we may have a chance to help this great country get back on the conservative track, forcing the liberal gravy train to take the side rail.

I can’t wait until we get back together.

As President Barack Obama always says, in a very presidential manner, when he’s finished addressing a group, no matter who they may be:

LOVE YOU GUYS!

The Prez

SCHOOL DAZE

(Theme song for post: Smokin' in the Boys Room)

Gals, I found this report on my desk this morning and contacted the blog manager to get this posted as fast as we could. This is scary!



TOP SECRET REPORT FROM A MOLE INSIDE PRESIDENT UNIVERSITY

January 20, 2009. ACORN scholarship firmly in hand, an arrogant Barry Obama swaggered onto the campus of President University (PU) to enter the 44th class of one. He has been here for one month with 47 remaining to complete his studies. The question is, will he do well enough to go on to post graduate work or will he leave after 4 years? Most of the faculty here are hoping he flunks out.

Barry’s conduct has been less than stellar. He has been sent to the dean’s office to be reprimanded for downsizing the U.S. Marine Band’s duties at the White House. Instead of the trumpets, drums and tubas, a lone piano player provides the music before and after Barry’s appearances. He has done away with the usual military marching music in favor of tunes like Cole Porter’s “Night and Day” and Sting’s “Dessert Rose.” And, this cannot be proven, but from past actions, it is widely believed that Barry has been lighting up in the bathroom off the Oval Office (Of course, we acknowledge that in recent history, worse things have taken place in or just off the Oval Office). Below are the grades he has earned thus far:

ECONOMICS - F - Barry insists that the government stick it’s nose into the economy and will not let it recover on it’s own by giving tax breaks to businesses (the U.S. has the highest business tax, 35%, in the world). If he did this, the engine of this great country would restart itself. Is he intentionally killing the Goose that laid the Golden Egg?

HISTORY - F - See above. All throughout history, socialism has failed. Nations do not prosper under that system. He cares nothing about the individual prospering. He seems to be all about the government growing and reaching into every part of our lives. Is he such an ego maniac that he thinks THIS time HE will make socialism work?

INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS - F - For the first time in history Americans can agree with the president of a rogue nation. Iran’s president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, said that the United States has become passive by offering to talk. He said that shows the United States has lost and that Western ideology is dead. And, the piece de resistance: terrorists around the world are “high five’n” now that they know if captured by Americans they will be politely interrogated and served tea and crumpets. Nice going, Barry!

ETHICS - F -(double F)- The professor quit after just 4 weeks with Barry. There are too many things to mention all here. Tax cheats as nominees for posts and one getting through to head the Treasury Dept. is unconscionable. The man deliberately deceives. He said he wouldn’t deal with lobbyists–yes, he did. His was to be the most transparent administration ever–no, it is not. He said there would be 5 days to look at the stimulus bill before the vote. Nobody, not even congressmen and senators had time to read the behemoth bill before the vote that had to take place before the sky fell last Friday night. It was voted on an then Barry took a three day weekend and will not sign it until today. If it was so blasted important, why didn’t he sign it Friday night or Saturday? Oh, yes....there was that little three day Valentine’s Day get-away to Chicago with Michelle my Belle. Couldn’t that three day weekend have been used to let people read it and then vote today? Why the urgency. And, did you know that they did put the bill on the internet? Yes, they did....only it’s in pdf format. You cannot do a word search on the document. Clever move on the part of the most ethical administration ever, huh?

THEATER - A++ - Barry is a star in this class. He is nothing but a community activist taking it up several notches to the national level. He is doing a fabulous job playing a role. He knows “what he’s doing” and is playing the part of a president with the nation’s best interest as his number one priority. “What he’s doing” is leading our country into the beginnings of socialism which has been his intention from the start. He is a student of Saul Alinsky and used this man’s teachings in his activist work in Chicago. Now he has a national stage on which to perform and he is doing it brilliantly.

So, there you have it, Barry’s first report card in his PU years. He told the country he wanted change, he just didn’t tell us what that change was going to be. If you want to remove any doubt as to what kind of change, check out this link. It will make you gasp and might even cause nightmares.

The Prez

(Hey gals, we did a darn good job in picking a name for our club, didn’t we?)